Pregnancy gym 2.

Yesterday, I came along for the pregnancy gym for the second (and last) time. The introductory question was how we saw parenthood. I was the first one who had to answer, but it was such a broad question that highlighting one point is not easy for me. So, the teacher kindly moved on to the other side of the circle and I could answer last. In the end I found my answer.

The key point for me is loving the little one (which I already do now). This to me is the key to giving care, attention and love, but also act in the best interest of the child, for instance learning to eat his/her vegetables as well even though he/she does not want to.

After the question the teacher moved on with explaining about the first week after giving birth. In holland every family gets 'kraamhulp'. This person teaches the person how to clean and feed the baby, how to change diapers, how to hold the baby The 'kraamhulp' also helps in the household so that papa and mama have time to recover from the intence happening and arrange other issues (like going to city hall, posting the birth cards, and putting a sign in the frontyard to announce the whole neighbourhood of the happy event). The kraamhulp also keeps track of the health of baby and child which is checked up by the midwife. In the first week also the 'hielprik' is performed. This is blood test to check the newborn for 17 different diseases. In a couple of weeks after the birth the consulatie bureau contacts the parents to make a first appointment. The consulatie bureau gives advices to parents and for the first years the baby has regular checkups performed by the bureau. We were also warned not to receive too many visitors at once and all the time. We should take time for ourselves and 'kick out' visitors that overstay and plan evenings for ourselves.

Next the teacher repeated briefly what she told in the first meeting about giving birth and we praticed massage and breathing techniques once more. The woman also practiced pushing. For me it is still not clear how to push. It is time that I start reading Barbara's book about it :).

Finally, the men were put together and the women were put together and we had to discuss a set of propositions about parenting and answer them with agree, disagree, or somewhere in between. Some of those that I remember were:

• grandparents have experience, they always have an answer: to us men this was correct because it did not state that grandparents have the right answer (every baby/family is different)
• you cannot spoil a child: this is not true, see Paris Hilton
• always smile when the baby is arround (you cannot be cranky): this to us was not true, and infeasable anyways.
• after birth you have no doubts about parenthood anymore: all have doubts, many deny, few have intuitions [Moby Dick]
• you are always happy with your own child: I believe/feel I am happy with my child (how ever it is going to bo) but I am sure there are people who are not
• Fathers get less attention from their wives after birth: it is just different attention like 'do this', 'do that' ;)
• Mothers have to let fathers care: Let me care :).
• 9 months pregnant means 9 month of becoming 'unpregnant': I don't even know what that is supposed to mean.

your opinion about these statements is welcomed.

zwangerschapsgym 1.

Gister ben ik voor de eerste keer met Barbara naar zwangerschapsgym geweest. Omdat zij (en anderen) het verslag hiervan ook willen lezen is deze blog entry in het engels geschreven.

Yesterday it was the first "papa-evening" at the pregnancy gym course that Barbara is taking. This means that I had to come along :).

At the start of the meeting the teacher asked every father-to-be what he expects at the labor, in one sentance. I do have an image of that in my head but it still is really hard for me to describe how I imagine it will be. So, I didn't really have an answer and didn't really no what to say. However, it is a good subject for a future blog entry :).

After the round was finished, with most father's not really knowing what to expect or what to do, the teacher explained the labor process again. We have aready attended a meeting organised by the midwives (and I did some reading about it :)) before so it was not so shocking. Still, one of the questions I had in my head is how you know that it started? Here is what I leanred
- already some weeks before the actual labor starts, the mother loses the slime clog blocks the womb. So this does not mean the labor is starting soon.
- the mother can already have irregular contractions days before the actual labor starts, so if (some) contractions come at irregular interval then it does not mean the labor has started.
- labor starts by either a) contractions at regular intervals (e.g.\ every 18 - 20 minutes) or by loosing the fluid in the womb. The mother can recognize that she loses the fluid, and it is not pee, by trying to hold it up. If it is impossible to hold it up by contracting the muscles, it is the fluid and labor started. P.S. note that I still have the imagine in my head that when a woman looses her fluid then it comes out like turning over a bucket of water, but I guess it won't be like that.

Regarding the labor process itself she told the following. The labor can short (e.g. 4 hours) or long (e.g 12 hours). The first phase of the labor can take the longest, when the dialation is between 0 - 4. In this phase the contractions are relatively mild. When the dialation becomes bigger the contractions become more intense and more frequent. Already around 8 centimeters of dialation the mother may feel like pushing. However, this is not allowed and the midwife will shout 'don't push yet!' When the mother is fully dialated the baby starts to move for the exit and the mother can push. While the baby is fully in the birthcanal still, then it takes two steps forward and two steps back. This is good because it smoothly stretches the birthcanal. At one moment, when the baby's head is partially out, then it cannot go back anymore. This is called the 'staande positie' (standing position in dutch). And the midwife may notify the mother about reaching this mildstone. At one point the head is fully out and the baby turns to get the rest of its body out. This usually goes in one or two pushes as the body is smaller (less wide) then the head.

At least, this is the scenario if it goes allright. It can be the case that the baby poops in the womb fluid and then the mother has to go to the hospital immediately because it may be that the child swallows some poo and this has to be sucked out right after birth. It may also be the case that the baby is in the wrong position. When the baby is feet first it has to be taken out by a sesarian. Whent the baby is face (eyes, nose) first and not with the back of his head first, it may still be possible to give normal labor but this is not assured. In this case his face may also come out all flattened or bruised (no panic, his face will become normal again in the days after).
After the story of labor we learned some massaging techniques and breathing techniques for during the labor/contractions. We have to practice them at home (which means spoilage for Barbara :)).

Massage:
1. Massage by making circles with the palm of one hand on the lower back (wax-on, or wax off).
2. Massage by rubbing down with the palm of both hands. When one hand is down start with the next hand from the shoulder again. Do this for both sides of the back.
3 Massage by pressing tumbs, palms, or fists in the lower back of the mother, during the contractions. This is mostly used only when relieving the heaviest contractions.

Breathing:
1. breath long inwards through the nose and long outwards through the mouth
2. breath long inwards through the nose and two short outwards through the mouth followed by a longer one through the moutn
3. breat shortly inwards through the nose (1 second), and longer (2 seconds) outwards through the mouth.

Most women use the breathing techniques in this order with nr 3. used for the heaviest contractions, but the most important lesson for the mothers of the evening was that she should do whatever feels most confortable to her (for easing the labor), there is no normality. If shee feels more confortable with breating technique nr 2. during the heavy contractions she should just do it. Or. e.g. there is no 'you have take a shower to relieve the contractions', it is only 'a shower may brring relief but if you don't feel like it helps you, then no need to do it.

And the most important lesson for the father's to be was: during labor comfort the mother and do whatever she tells you to do, without argument.

I am looking forward to the next pregnancy gym :)