Yesterday, I came along for the pregnancy gym for the second (and last) time. The introductory question was how we saw parenthood. I was the first one who had to answer, but it was such a broad question that highlighting one point is not easy for me. So, the teacher kindly moved on to the other side of the circle and I could answer last. In the end I found my answer.
The key point for me is loving the little one (which I already do now). This to me is the key to giving care, attention and love, but also act in the best interest of the child, for instance learning to eat his/her vegetables as well even though he/she does not want to.
After the question the teacher moved on with explaining about the first week after giving birth. In holland every family gets 'kraamhulp'. This person teaches the person how to clean and feed the baby, how to change diapers, how to hold the baby The 'kraamhulp' also helps in the household so that papa and mama have time to recover from the intence happening and arrange other issues (like going to city hall, posting the birth cards, and putting a sign in the frontyard to announce the whole neighbourhood of the happy event). The kraamhulp also keeps track of the health of baby and child which is checked up by the midwife. In the first week also the 'hielprik' is performed. This is blood test to check the newborn for 17 different diseases. In a couple of weeks after the birth the consulatie bureau contacts the parents to make a first appointment. The consulatie bureau gives advices to parents and for the first years the baby has regular checkups performed by the bureau. We were also warned not to receive too many visitors at once and all the time. We should take time for ourselves and 'kick out' visitors that overstay and plan evenings for ourselves.
Next the teacher repeated briefly what she told in the first meeting about giving birth and we praticed massage and breathing techniques once more. The woman also practiced pushing. For me it is still not clear how to push. It is time that I start reading Barbara's book about it :).
Finally, the men were put together and the women were put together and we had to discuss a set of propositions about parenting and answer them with agree, disagree, or somewhere in between. Some of those that I remember were:
- grandparents have experience, they always have an answer: to us men this was correct because it did not state that grandparents have the right answer (every baby/family is different)
- you cannot spoil a child: this is not true, see Paris Hilton
- always smile when the baby is arround (you cannot be cranky): this to us was not true, and infeasable anyways.
- after birth you have no doubts about parenthood anymore: all have doubts, many deny, few have intuitions [Moby Dick]
- you are always happy with your own child: I believe/feel I am happy with my child (how ever it is going to bo) but I am sure there are people who are not
- Fathers get less attention from their wives after birth: it is just different attention like 'do this', 'do that' ;)
- Mothers have to let fathers care: Let me care :).
- 9 months pregnant means 9 month of becoming 'unpregnant': I don't even know what that is supposed to mean.
